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Editor Interview: The Los Angeles Review of Los Angeles

Describe what you publish in 25 characters or less.

LA stuff, & other stuff!

What other current publications (or publishers) do you admire most?

The Dead Sea Scrolls

If you publish writing, who are your favorite writers? If you publish art, who are your favorite artists?

Gene Wolfe, Henry Miller, Michael Chabon, Emily Dickenson, Stanislaw Lem

What sets your publication apart from others that publish similar material?

We offend more people. Also, we have larger balls. And we're smarter, and have better taste.

What is the best advice you can give people who are considering submitting work to your publication?

Do it! Momma gonna love you!

Describe the ideal submission.

My ideal submission enjoys long walks on the beach, emotional sessions of Mozart listening combined with a fine port, sucking on my toes, whispering evil things in my ear, doing my every bidding, knows it's evil and admits it, has a conscience, adores itself, fights like hell, bleeding in every moment, fulfilling its impossible desires in the medulla by chomping its own cheeks in the bit, bleeding like Christ for our sins, shitting itself in its eagerness to define its meaning, to arrest the tragedy, to assassinate the overlords, to defy logic, to make a good sandwich, with extra avocado.

What do submitters most often get wrong about your submissions process?

One time this guy, well he put this -- oh, never mind.

How much do you want to know about the person submitting to you?

Be polite, as Mr. Eddy told the snivelling tailgater in 'Lost Highway' (set in Los Angeles).

If you publish writing, how much of a piece do you read before making the decision to reject it?

I don't read them, the chimp reads them and then indicates their acceptability with groin-area sign language, no just kidding, I read them okay! Sometimes I cry, sometimes I hate you.
This one time, at band camp, I got such an erection . . .
Assault me! Make me cry! I have no faith, make me believe! Use me as your puppet! Tell me the truth!
I want more. I need more!

What additional evaluations, if any, does a piece go through before it is accepted?

Does the submission have a driver's license? Does the submission have a criminal record? Does the submission have a degree from a prestigious institution? An advanced degree? Any history of mental illness? Does the submission belong to any charitable organizations? Any questionable organizations?
Is the submission now, or has it ever been, a Communist? A terrorist? An anarcho-syndacalist? Is the submission now, and has it always been, loyal? Trustworthy? Red-blooded? God-fearing? Useful and law-abiding with a little twinkle in its eye?
Does the submission know that the path of justice is through pain? Does the submission know that the wages of sin of death? That a Frisbee is an unholy tool, that Jesus is telling you to do it?
Does the submission obey the voices in its head? How often? For what reasons? With what intentions? With what degree of commitment?
Has the submission read Adorno's impenetrable essay "On Commitment?"
Does the submission love me?

What is a day in the life of an editor like for you?

Breakfast, a good French whore, poetry in the afternoon, on the welfare, on the take, pipe in my mouth, blood in my eyes, righteousness in my coffee cup.

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